Valentine’s Call

 Ring, Ring

“Hi, Lester. This is Bess Valentine. Your lobbyist in Washington…It looks like we may have an opportunity to turn this buggy whip thing around.”

“Oh yes, Bess Valentine. I remember you. How are you? Turn what around?”

“We want to bring the buggy whip industry back into the American mainstream.”

“Is this a joke?”

 “The current leadership is claiming renewables are the death of coal and that coal should be preserved.”

“That is a joke. But what does that have to do with us, American Buggy Whip?”

“Hear me out. Also, the EPA says the dangers associated with climate change are overblown, but the population isn’t buying. Plus, the Republican leadership has passed a budget that murders the economy, claiming–get this–trickle down economics is a solution to the evaporating middle-class.”

“So what’s old is new?”

“Not really. The current leadership strategy creates an opportunity for American Buggy Whip to go public. Whips may be in big demand soon.”

“In the midst of all the chaos?”

“Corruption is mainstream in government because people look to feather their nest against the current chaos and what it portends.”

“While the legislative, the executive, and the judicial branches look the other way?”

“Look the other way? Lester, they pander to it. The term shame has been money-laundered out of government.”

“The Republic no longer functions. So what is your interest in us? The last time we spoke, you were asking us to fund some S&M movie.”

 “Lester, let’s bring back the buggy whip industry–together.”

“Could we really achieve that, Bess? Will the oil companies allow it? I understand they have shills all over this administration–and buggy whips are not pro-petroleum.”

“Hear me out. We begin a social media campaign on how automobiles have almost completely destroyed all the jobs associated with buggy whips, wooden wheels, and carriages. Wait a week to let the Twitter-bots do their job. Then we send out a few campaign contributions to key senators and our boy in the House. We follow up with a few op eds in the old line media outlets and then we really hit them hard.”

“Before DOJ begins an investigation?”

“DOJ is losing people by the bucketful–and all it took was a little green grease. These days you feed cash into the corruption machine and results come out the other end. America today is all about corruption–on a grand scale. And listen up, from the corporate standpoint they’d rather have their country die for them than sacrifice profit for the good of the nation. For example, the façade of climate-denial isn’t really denial. It is a way of acquiring resources cheaply–to ride out the storms. And we can help that with our distractions–so we are on the team. In the mean time, the fossil fuels guys will spend millions to convince an entire generation that human forcing of the radiative balance and its horrible aftermath are an acceptable path for humanity–particularly with all the storms, droughts, and fires breaking out all around the world.”

“We are off a cliff–climate change wrecks everything.”

“Is that a pun? Doesn’t matter. Did you know the utilities are out there undercutting renewable energy programs even though renewables mitigate human forcing of the radiative balance, makes America strong, creates a bucket-full of jobs, adds resiliency to the grid, and sets our nation on a firm course of self-reliance. Not a credible peep of protest on the media.”

“350 Org?”

“Now you are making jokes. But you see the key point–distraction.”

“What about the rest of the world? Storms, floods, fires, sea level rise, and civil chaos also destroys the social fabric of other nations. And the US denying that climate change kills hundreds of millions is hard to sell once people start dying a few hundred thousand at a time. We have some formidable enemies, and some formidable friends. Distractions or not, how can it not seem that we have declared war on the planet and all the other nations through supposedly short-sighted policies. What the hell is wrong with the State Department? Being the town bully is a short ride.”

“You said it yourself. It’s a series of wrecks–one after the other. And here is the punch line: You’re right. Spin about how global warming ain’t gonna’ hurt isn’t playing in Peoria–or Pretoria. That means the spin machine is always looking for another distraction. That distraction could be American Buggy Whip. That’s the reason for my call.”

“The Trump circus isn’t working anymore?”

“He’s been branded a Nazi. He’s toast. They’ll be bringing in the robot soon.”

“Shameful days. So we distract the population with buggy whips? Seriously? How?”

“Pointless debate. We say buggy whips lead to a simpler, gentler, nation. The car companies say no. I figure we can get three years out of it. Then, after that, the Op Eds, then we get a few pretty Amish women to disrobe on Reddit, as a protest against Detroit.”

“You’re loathsome.”

“Nothing is too loathsome when it comes to money. Green is the new horror. Or is it the other way around? No matter. Cash is king–and the rats can’t get enough of it to buy bunkers, burrows, or tickets to Mars. The circus must continue!”

“We’d rather not be part of the problem, Ms. Valentine.”

“Green-washing is your friend.”

“I see where you are going, but what can we realistically expect–in terms of results?”

“A place on the Fortune 500–anything is possible these days if it distracts the masses, and there’s a little grease under the table.”

“Grease as in graft?”

“Graft is such an ugly word. Let’s call it an extensive program of directed campaign contributions.”

“You are serious–what about the outcome? As in popular fury?”

“You want outcomes? The Republican leadership just pushed through a huge tax break that adds trillions the deficit–and economically murders the majority of Americans. The population appears silent.”

“So you’re saying the media is burying the fury of the voter?”

“That and the population feels impotent because of the big lie: ‘America has always been corrupt’.”

“Who’s buying that bull? Besides every November there is election day.”

“Who cares? The media says it’s true. Everyone is buying it–or at least the media reports everyone is buying it.”

“And you want my corporation to assist in deceit?”

“Listen to this…Hundreds of millions will die from this administration’s efforts to eviscerate science. Guess how that is spun to the population…Ready? People are the cause of global warming–too many people. Therefore, reduce the population and the global-warming-problem is solved.”

“Goebbels would be proud of those guys.”

“Speaking about fascists, they’ve hacked our election system as you know. So no matter what the population feels now, the voting public is out of the loop. No way can our extensive program of campaign contributions bite us in the butt–so long as we fund the right people.”

“I am not funding the damn Russians…”

“Whoa, hang on. The leadership and the media claim the Russians did that voting hack, remember?”

“It wasn’t the Ruskies?”

“Of course not–no external entity could get passed our techies without our permission. See everyone buys some part of the propaganda machine–even you.”

“So who did it? And why?”

“Who did what, and why?”

“Who is behind this treason of destroying the voting apparatus? If it is not external, then it must be internal.”

“Corporations are not democratic organizations. They run D.C. Therefore, the right to vote is collateral damage in America now because our corporate citizens want the world to be a banana republic–and they are willing to fund an extensive program of campaign contributions to achieve their goals.”

“So in essence, you are saying hundreds of  millions of people are afraid to stand up for their rights and take down those crooks who are hiding behind their corporate shields…Because of fear?”

“Exactly! Terrorism at its finest. I say we grab a piece of the pie before it all goes to shit. All it takes is a little cash and some media support. And we can get that media support because with buggy whips the distraction is built in–thanks to that S&M movie.”

“Oh is that it. These clowns in power are too stupid to last. They are making too many enemies. Why hook up with them?”

“Don’t you get it? The clowns in the Administration, the Cabinet, the Senate, and the House, all know the future is a horror. So they are lining their pockets as a defense–and Lester–it’s coming at us a lot quicker than you might think. Why not grab some cash? It’s gonna’ be a shit-show soon.”

“Problem is the population doesn’t really get how bad it will be. I remember reading someone who wrote ‘Addressing climate change is all about political will, not science’.”

“Something like that, but who cares? Lester, distraction is the key.”

“What does the leadership expect to have after everything falls apart?”

“A smaller weakened population that is less well-educated–therefore easier to control.”

“I will not be a part of treason and murder. I will not betray my country and its people. Not every corporate entity is run by pigs.”

“I wish you would reconsider.”

“Ms. Valentine, did you know we at American Buggy Whip have been debating a line of hay forks, spuds, and axes as our new product line. I was against it, but now I think I will support it. We were going to call it our Jacobin line of farm implements.”

“Catchy name, but it sounds too left wing.”

“That’s what I thought. The word ‘Jacobin’ has a French origin, but yes, I suppose it is a bit left-wing. Perhaps we will just call it ‘The Society of the Friends of the Constitution‘. You might want to invest in us. Seems to me hay forks and axes look like an emerging market–particularly after this phone call.”