Traders Without Borders

Responding to the crisis fostered by super storm Sandy, Traders Without Borders (TWB) has set up its first-ever US-based relief effort. TWB, better known for investment efforts in the third world, the development of foreign oil fields, snagging raw materials from the Earth behind the mask of dictatorships, subjugating indigenous populations, and plans to rape the Arctic. TWB has had a long history of stepping in when social clarity requires extraordinary efforts to secure seedy investments.

“The damage done to media-birthed-ignorance and billfold science here in the eastern United States is almost incalculable,” said one specialist in oil and gas arbitrage. “A lot of us feel like we are working in the trading pits of a foreign country. We have a long way to go before we restore the basic propaganda structure necessary for returning New York City’s population to ignorance on the climate.”

Some say that will never happen–that we have started to turn the corner on climate awareness here in this country.

Jeb Silverspoon is from Atlanta. An investment banker specializing in media, he received the call to come to New York City in the middle of his daughter’s soccer game. Says Silverspoon, “Climate clarity developed in Australia over the course of one storm season.” Gazing over the angry face of those on gas lines, he adds, “A country once considered the poster child of media-garrote–by the coal industry. Now Australia has a substantive nationwide effort to reduce its carbon dioxide output. That has hurt some of my clients. If it happens here, my clients have big problems.” He shakes his head as flakes of snow begin to fall on an angry crowd. “I never imagined so much damage could be done to media efforts by one little rain storm. Look, now we have snow. These people on the gas lines should be thinking about shopping, worrying about where to get the best deals on Black Friday, not their lives, or the well-being of their children. The tragedy here is unbounded.”

Traders Without Borders, founded by a collaboration of private equity firms, has a long history of dealing with the climate. TWB is credited with key efforts to thwart popular clarity on anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance. In fact, TWB has been credited with coining the term “Global Warming”, rather than that term being the golden stepchild of the Oregon Petition of the 1990s. Traders Without Borders is also credited with backroom financial support for groups like The Heartland Institute and The Competitive Enterprise Institute every time they blunder–a task that has kept them on the forefront of burying facts for over a generation.

Said one relief worker, a financier working on the Afghan oil pipeline: “Normally, I work down the street focusing on population suppression. Now, with the damage done by Sandy, I split my time between logistics for getting oil to Indian Ocean and keeping large portions of the US population from seeing a link between an energized climate and their own lives. The flood of information due to Sandy has caused problems all across the nation. The cover of Bloomberg Businessweek is one disconcerting result. It hurts when you lose one of your own. The recent election debacle is another disturbing event.”

And disturbing is right. As late as last summer, it had been forecast by researchers working with Traders Without Borders that Consumer F8 (Consumer Fate), a measure of consumer clarity, would stay well below their key metric, the Homer-Level, for at least the next few years on the climate. But due to late-summer events like Sandy, the drought, food prices, forest fires, and a shrinking arctic, a key support level for F8 has been breached and truth appears to popping up everywhere. The hard work of those at Traders Without Borders now seems idealistic to some. So it is no wonder that many on the front line of patching up investor portfolios at the expense of the general population see their work as entering a new phase.

“Sand-bagging the perception of the common person has run its course,” said one PR executive wading through a barrage of insights. As she scoops another bucket of muddy rhetoric to toss at a climatologist, she sighs. “At this point we have no choice but to invoke an exit strategy like Black Swan or Geo-engineering. Contrary to pundit comments, the worst thing that can happen now is not another super storm. The worst thing that can happen now is enhanced consumer clarity over lies about the uncertainty of climate science, or that certain investment interests have actively facilitated climate ignorance among politicians.” When asked why, she wipes her Botox-laden brow, jingling the bells on her golden bracelet. “Many of my friends lie awake at night tormented by the fear customer insight seems to be expanding. That these consumers see our deceit leading them, and those they love, into an ever-expanding circle of intensifying disasters.” She collapses back down in front of her workstation. “Truth can happen anywhere, at any time–Sandy has proved that. Even so, Traders Without Borders will be ready. You can count on that. My home in Chelsea is still underwater.”