Company Overview:
As the leading global provider of perplexity and bewilderment, our teams deliver ignorance on a global scale and confusion all the way down to the desktop. Through SaaS (Suspicion as a Service), we cripple public will, diminish corporate oversight, muddy economic lucidity, hobble scientific investigation, and ultimately incapacitate entire communities through the big lie and arcane search results. We understand what it takes to bamboozle both policy makers and the public at large. With the right experience, you can be part of this exciting opportunity to cloud clarity for millions.
We are excited to announce we are looking for a Senior Level Information Manipulation Executive to lead a team of environmental hacks, applications programmers, and edgy scientific shills manipulating public perception on environmentally conscious initiatives. Use your advanced software skills to hack emails and develop an avalanche of apparently objective commentary to drown out knowledgeable researchers. Through suspect institutions, fictitious personae, and political toadies, create firestorms of indignation. Help exterminate critical thinking. Bastardize SEO through algorithmic terrorism. Do you have what it takes to dumpster dive the Internet to find the miscues or mistakes of others and blow them out of proportion? Can you unearth the Internet Data Zombies containing passé information and use them to destroy respect?
As a key player in our Retreat and Tail Risk Group, you’ll be working on various campaigns to backfill special interest blunders, bogus knowledge gaffes, and other scientific miscues. You’ll also be providing worldwide support for other shady tactics. Your ability to ignore scientific terms like watts/sq meter of forcing will define your success. Your ability to fabricate information, render searches pointless, plant false references throughout the web, and corrupt the social networks are keys for achievement. Can you cloud the facts or make retrieval of salient information futile while discharging an unending deluge of minutia? If you can, then we want to talk to you.
The Senior Level Information Manipulation Executive–Cloud:
The Senior Level Information Manipulation Executive–Cloud, will develop and deliver an overall strategy of confusion across multiple platforms and domains, and thus, be able to react appropriately to any outbreaks of fact or awareness worldwide. Your task will be to convince a weather-beaten audience that the changing climate has nothing to do with human forcing of the radiative balance and everything to do with solar perturbations, declaring them to be the driving force of our changing climate rather than just a factor in the process. Additionally, your tasks will focus on modifying perception regarding air pollution components (SOx, and other) claiming they are not hazardous to health while sanitizing the term acid rain in search engines. Can you get others to declare that asthma is a minor nuisance? Can you develop and implant data that claims aerosols have persistence in the atmosphere on the order of years and not weeks? This is a challenging assignment as there is limited scientific support.
Were you a plumber in Climategate or a blogger in the Hockey Stick campaigns? Did you support the Geritol Theory of ocean iron fertilization? Can you declare science is a conspiracy of power junkies and keep a straight face? Can you spell apocalips, apocolypse, opocalyipps , disastor?
We are a management team committed to ignorance, maintaining the status quo, and shackling society in myth while obliterating clarity through malignant, highly focused, and unethical granular destruction of theories by the injection of dubious records into the global knowledgebase.
Qualifications/Experience:
• A degree in any non-scientific field is acceptable.
• Proven track record of misinformation and spin in either fossil fuels, tobacco, pharmaceuticals, or healthcare insurance
•Ten years experience as a spammer, or as a researcher in any extremist think tank
•Proven experience in undermining trusted organizations and the fabrication of new “trusted” organizations
•A PMI (Propaganda & Misinformation Institute) Certificate or applicable experience as a sociopath
•Demonstrated ability to distort the truth or develop campaigns in Facebook, LinkedIn or other social networking systems
•Demonstrated projects in class warfare using a wide variety of platforms
•Minimum three years clean and sober, long-term psychiatric care will be considered as a substitute
•Must not be in prison or under indictment at the state or federal level–we are a no convictions company
Preferred Skill Set:
•Have interest, desire, and ability to poison valid science
•Have experience developing the insomnia market
•Have documented success destroying either an institution, a non-profit–preferably in the environmental arena–or a trusted public figure
•Have a diagnosed and verifiable desire to rule the world; your megalomania must be certifiable
Competencies:
•Demonstrated corruption of public perception–preferably in the area of social programs or healthcare
•Verifiable commitment to ignore sound science, ethics, and morality
•Demonstrated scientific pandering–certifiable contempt for peer review is a plus
•Verifiable soul recycling contract with our business partner, L-diablo.
We offer a friendly, progressive work atmosphere and a comprehensive benefits package including medical, dental, vision (myopia) adjustment, alcohol and drug rehabilitation as well as life insurance and legal assistance, a 401(k). After five years of service, we offer an easy escape from the country, a psychiatric asylum, or work as a TV meteorologist. We look forward to the prospect of working with you!
Destroying the public trust is our mission; demolition of researcher reputation is our passion.
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