Profiles in Courage: The Speech Writer

–From a Speech You Never Heard–

“…I have traveled the country club circuit numerous times. Outside their gates, uncounted Americans seek work. Tough crap on them–their dreams are based on believing the tissue paper-lies my kind and I have strewn across the airwaves and the internet, turning politics into a comedy of hope and our election process into a tragedy of greed.

“For example, I say the government would rather fight anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance rather than fight for American jobs–so I am declaring an absurdity as truth. Everyone knows jobs are the key to this election and no sane politician, let alone an entire political establishment, would put anything above jobs in this election if they could help it. That means if politicians are paying attention to the problem of anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance, there is a serious problem and it is worth our attention.

“But rather than suggest we all work together and declare synergy with another party or other politicians based on the danger that confronts us all, I am going to declare the climate menace a tragedy, a myth, a hoax, a manufactured issue from a suspect section of our political process. Clearly, my stance is, at minimum, foolish. In fact, my stance is bought and paid for by lobbyists who seek to hijack the facts, then seek out your complicity in my ridiculous evocations through your vote.

“How can I do this?

“Unfortunately, I and my party have given up hope of ever defeating those corrupting forces and so we will sell the American dream to the highest bidder while promising prosperity and justice to the common person even though we see no hope of delivery–turning our national ideals into pathetic political sport.

“Consider the absurdity of a plumber discussing meaning of the Higgs boson–and the media of this country giving that plumber equal weight with that of a trained high energy scientist. Or even if every plumber in the country declared there to be a question about the Higgs boson, who cares? The people with the training and rigor are scientists. So how absurd is it for poorly informed politicians to claim their knowledge of the incredibly complex climate is equal to the climatologists, those tasked by our society to understand the climate? Over 95% of the climate scientists say there is a climate problem. Do you think it makes sense to relegate them to a radical fringe element in our society because your TV meteorologist thinks that maybe climatologists are not completely right?

“Or consider that since the beginning of 2010, over one hundred coal-fired plants have–or are going to–close. Is there any way this is the result of a bogus war against anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance? Or is it an attempt to decrease the damage from an energized climate? Or do I as a politician just bring it up to get your vote? Your jobs matter to you. Everyone’s job matters. The President-job matters to candidates. And if I am ever going to get elected, I am going to have to continue spewing out gibberish on the climate and how risk management hurts the economy. Why–because if I do so I get funding–come on, you already knew that.

“Folks, a hundred-thirty years ago, if you worked in a buggy-whip factory, you would have lost your job because of the horseless carriage. There is no way that loss of that job was a hoax by anyone. It was a change in the society, a change in transportation, and a change in the economy. The changing climate is real and it must be dealt with effectively.

“Coal makes it worse. Damn.

“Some left wing liberal might say to you: ‘I am sorry you lost your job. It’s a dreadful economy to be unemployed. Unfortunately, anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance is a terrible danger to us all and we must address it with vigor. So start a company that fits our need to cut GHG output in the sector of society you know best. It’s a huge market opening up for us. There’s a ton of money to be made. Go learn about the emerging market needs and go make money from that.

“Of course as a lackey of industry, I would never say those things because it is a sin to declare hope after fossil fuels, or heaven forbid, widespread prosperity. The key to a low carbon economy is distributed systems. That means lots of small businesses doing the work (and taking the profits) controlled by large fossil fuel companies. Do you get it now? I am on their side. Not yours. I am the only one who has not bowed, and will never bow, to the liberal orthodoxy of distributed energy systems. Further, I am also perfectly willing to use ethnocentrism to place blame on other countries.

“I believe in large amounts of funding from PACs and super-PACs. That is the way our system runs now and candidly I will not rock the boat. If I did, I would never attract funding. Therefore, I will label environmental concern for our future as radical environmentalism and do everything I can to cast effective risk management as a property rights issue to paralyze the voter and keep the voter from recognizing their future. I have a different view of America. I see the corruption and I work with it to garner a better place for myself in that corruption. The rest is twaddle…”

And now back to your commercials.