Form GHG-2016--Application for Deferred Status or Exemption

Gaian Climate Systems

Application for Deferred Status or Exemption from

“S. Jackson Memorial Lottery”

Form GHG-2016

 

 (Note that exemptions may be full or partial, solely at the discretion of Gaian Climate Systems)

SECTION 1- Humor Exemption 2016:  Please read the instructions carefully.  Note that those filing for a Humor Exemption must still fill out Section 2. Our theme this year  is  “The 100-year Storm”

A) Instructions: Applying for a Humor Exemption 2016

1. Please fill in all the blanks on page 10 after enclosing your infrastructure inventories. Please use page 8 for signing.
2. Note that processing charges rise every 3 months and are based on region.
3. Expect a 2-year processing time.
4. Processing time will vary depending on your location.
5. Would you like to host a 100-year storm? Please circle either:  Yes    No
6. Go to Section 2 – Species Considerations.

SECTION 2- Species Considerations – Roster Classifications

(Note any removal from the roster for “S. Jackson Memorial Lottery” will be reviewed after planetary warming exceeds 1.5 degrees C. All applications, except for Humans, will be returned for updating at that point. Approved applications that are not updated, will be removed and placed back in the “S. Jackson Memorial Lottery.”)

 A) Enter your species – please underline only one:

1. Fish–see coral alternatives–you may qualify for an early-out. See page 3.
2. Insect–on hold pending review. See page 4, genetic pool variables and sign.
3. Microbes, bacteria, fungi etc–permanent residence status. Skip to page 4 and sign.
4. Mammals, winged: one time exemption used 240 million years ago. Skip to page 8 and sign.
5. Mammals, four legged or hooved: See methane insult index for classification and enter number. Skip to page 8 and sign.
6. Mammals, two legged: Marsupials, Ape, Orangutan, Chimpanzees, Monkey – all apes other than human. See reference document 1a “Decision to skip front brain enhancement.” Then skip to page 8 and sign.
7. Mammals, Human – Go to Section 3 – note that the gender exemption has now been discontinued.

SECTION 3- Human Exemption Options

A) Location:

1. Hemisphere___________
2. Continent_____________
3. Country______________
4. Region_______________
5. City_________________

 B) Exemption claimed – please check only one per application

1. Economic Hardship
2. Green Initiatives Defender
3. Super Rich
4. Ignorant
5. Member of the media – skip to page 8 and sign

 C) Please check any disaster that does not apply to you

1. Drought
2. Tornado, EF 4 or higher
3. Hurricane, Category 3.1 or higher
4. Derechos or other storms
5. Flooding
6. Sea Level rise
7. Rogue Waves
8. Civil Insurrection
9. Forced Migration
10. Infectious Disease – this may be any plague
11. Mud Slides
12. Earthquake
13. Famine – this section also includes other creatures including but not limited to alligators, lions, cougars, bears, sharks, or pack animals
14. Economic Collapse: Note that his exemption will not be considered on this application. Applications regarding economic collapse closed in 2005
15. Guilt
16. Other, please specify ____________

 D) Human engineered armoring systems in place or under development, check all that apply to you then follow instructions

1. Sea Wall – see Stupidity Exemption – Appendix 2.
2. Escape to owned island – you may be eligible for the Quentin Conworth Literary Award. Applications are still available – also see Stupidity Exemption – Appendix 2.
3. Money in a safe place – see Stupidity Exemption – Appendix 2.
4. Escape into space – see Slavery Application – Appendix 3; also see Stupidity Exemption – Appendix 2.
5. Deep sea escape – see Slavery Application – Appendix 3.
6. Solar, Wind, engineered photosynthesis, other renewables – see FAQs for “S. Jackson Memorial Lottery”.
7. Underground Carbon Capture and Storage – see “Applying for a Humor Exemption, 2008”.
8. Iron Filings (placed in the oceans to enhance plankton growth) – see “Applying for a Humor Exemption, 2005”.
9. Other ____________________

 E) Hardship Awards

1. Economics is more important than the environment – skip to page 8 and sign. Note that media exemptions included in this section includes all those media items categorized under, “I now know…”
   1. The media lied.
   2. The media had to lie.
   3. The liberal media can’t be trusted. What could I do?
   4. The corporate media can’t be trusted. What could I do?
   5. I was just an employee doing my job.
2. Technology will save us – Enter your CV – see Appendix 5.
3. Humanity’s end was written – skip to page 8 and sign.
4. It’s not my fault I was a kid – see Appendix 6 – Just Claim. (Also see FAQ – on innocence.)
5. Climate change is not real – skip to page 8 and sign.
6. Leadership knows what they are doing – see Section 3 – Human Exemption Options. (Logic courtesy of EXXON/Mobil Corporation.)

 F) All other humans, skip to page 8 and sign

 

This is the end of the homo sapiens section for this 2016 Application for Deferred Status or Exemption from the “S. Jackson Memorial Lottery.” Thank you for your inputs. We will review your application and then assign it to our research partner, Fate LLC. You may expect a response on your status within 20 years.  If you feel this application is biased in any way, please provide comments in our appendix titled, Human.